please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
