I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
