Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
