i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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