...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
