The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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