he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
