Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
