Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
