He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
