It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
