he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
