I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
