You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
