its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
