the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
