He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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