I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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