I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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