High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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