Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
