when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
