I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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