I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
