tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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