Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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