Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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