I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
