What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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