dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
