My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
