I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
