She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
