I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
