I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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