Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
