after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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