Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
