Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize