theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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