Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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