Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
