well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
