Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
