I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You pole danced in your parka.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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