Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
