a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
