I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
