I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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