I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
