All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
