just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Someone shit on the floor
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
is wine microwaveable?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
