Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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