Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
