I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
