quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My dick has a subreddit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
