the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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