you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
