i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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