I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
