I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize