two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
did i walk over a car last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
