I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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