My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
